I want to divorce my husband and be a single mother: More victims speaking up on emotional abuse

Source: Straits Times
Article Date: 19 Aug 2025
Author: Christine Tan

After the definition of family violence was updated in 2025 to include abuses beyond physical harm, social workers and lawyers are seeing more victims seeking help.

It started with degrading insults and being mocked for coming from a broken family. Soon, Madam Anna (not her real name) got assaulted by her then boyfriend.

The abuse continued after marriage and she had two children.

Madam Anna, who is in her 30s, told The Sunday Times in July: “(My husband) said I didn’t have a life of my own. He said by giving me children, he gave me a good life... He said these things until I hated myself.”

After two years of marriage, she applied for a personal protection order (PPO) in 2025. The homemaker is one of 549 people who filed for PPOs from January to March 2025, according to statistics from the Singapore Courts.

These applications were made after the new definition of family violence, which includes sexual, emotional and psychological abuse, kicked in from January.

It was previously defined mainly as physical violence, such as causing hurt or placing a family member in fear of hurt.

These changes to the Women’s Charter, first raised in Parliament in 2023, were meant to boost protection for family violence victims.

After Madam Anna was granted a PPO, her husband has kept his distance, but they still live together.

She has found a job and plans to file for divorce. “Now, I just want to confidently live my life as a single mother,” she said.

PPOs are given by the court to victims to restrain their abusers from harming them further.

Those who breach the orders can be fined up to $10,000 or be jailed for up to 12 months, or both.

Data from the Family Justice Courts (FJC) shows there were 2,099 and 2,255 PPO applications in 2023 and 2024, respectively. Annually, about 75 per cent are filed by women.

A Singapore Courts spokeswoman said 62 per cent to 64 per cent of PPO applications in those years were filed against spouses.

A breakdown of the applications according to abuse type is not available, as each case usually includes multiple types of abuse.

But social workers and lawyers said they are seeing more victims seeking help for non-physical abuse.

Atmosphere of fear

Care Corner Project StART (CCPS), a family violence specialist centre run by Care Corner Singapore, said the expanded definition of family violence has encouraged more victims to come forward.

Care Corner Singapore’s deputy director of family and community services, Mr Martin Chok, said: “Some clients said their spouses would slam doors aggressively, maintain prolonged silent treatment, use intimidating stares, or constantly blame them for everything that goes wrong.

“These behaviours may seem subtle or be easily dismissed by others, but they create an atmosphere of fear, tension and emotional distress that can be deeply damaging over time.”

In one case, the husband did not allow his wife to work, limited her allowance and forbade her from switching on the lights at home, supposedly to save electricity.

He threatened to divorce her, and the stress caused the woman to be hospitalised.

CCPS provided safety planning and marital counselling, and referred her to Daughters Of Tomorrow, a charity for underprivileged women, for job placement.

Mr Marcus Lim, head of Touch Family Support at Touch Community Services, said some victims are unsure what constitutes abuse.

Its social workers usually discover the abuse when handling the client’s other issues.

One time, a woman said she was worried about her husband’s reaction to her finding work. The man often threatened to harm her, and tracked her whereabouts for fear of her interacting with other men.

Mr Lim said: “(The woman) didn’t get help because he never actually hit her, so she didn’t consider it violence.”

Emotional abuse can evolve into physical abuse, like in Madam Anna’s case.

When she confided in her husband about previously being sexually assaulted by a relative, he made derogatory remarks about her. He punched her face while she was pregnant, and blamed her when their children fell sick.

She said: “He made me believe I was not a good mother.”

Police officers referred her to CCPS, where she filed a PPO.

Underreported cases

Mr Lim believes cases are underreported because many may not be aware of the expanded definition or still associate family violence only with visible injuries.

He added: “More education and cultural change are crucial for survivors to feel seen, believed, and safe to come forward earlier.”

Mr Mohamed Baiross, managing partner at IRB Law, said victims have secured PPOs based solely on psychological abuse or repeated verbal degradation. But, he said, it is challenging to obtain enough proof in these cases and advised clients to document such abuse.

Head lawyer Gloria James-Civetta of Gloria James-Civetta & Co said some clients look for psychiatrists and obtain specialist reports to show they have suffered from gaslighting and narcissistic behaviour. Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that causes victims to question the validity of their own thoughts or memories.

To grant a PPO, the court must be satisfied family violence has been committed or is likely to be committed against the victim.

It must determine the PPO is necessary for the victim’s protection or personal safety.

In the first quarter of 2025, 34 per cent of PPO applications filed were granted. The success rate was 45 per cent and 46 per cent in 2024 and 2023, respectively.

A Ministry of Social and Family Development spokeswoman said victim-survivors can file a PPO application at any protection specialist centre (PSC), or at the FJC.

The four PSCs in Singapore are Trans Safe Centre in Bedok, Pave Integrated Services for Individual and Family in Ang Mo Kio and Yishun, and CCPS in Commonwealth.

An application can be made online before visiting a PSC or the FJC to complete it.

The spokeswoman added that the ministry also supports victim-survivors through family service centres, which provide both practical and emotional support.

She said the court may order parties and their family members to attend a mandatory counselling programme offered by social service agencies.

After CCPS assisted Madam Anna with her PPO application, she was assured of her family’s safety.

She said: “I started to confidently share (my story). I don’t need to hide or be scared of anything.”

Helplines

Family violence

National Anti-Violence & Sexual Harassment Helpline: 1800-777-0000 (24 hours)
Aware Helpline: 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
Care Corner Project StART: 6476 1482 (weekdays 10am-1pm, 2pm-5pm; except public holidays)
Touch Family Support: 6317 9998

Mental well-being

National helpline: 1771 (24 hours) / 6669-1771 (via WhatsApp)
Samaritans of Singapore: 1-767 (24 hours) / 9151-1767 (24 hours CareText via WhatsApp)
Singapore Association for Mental Health: 1800-283-7019
Silver Ribbon Singapore: 6386-1928
Chat, Centre of Excellence for Youth Mental Health: 6493-6500/1
Women’s Helpline (Aware): 1800-777-5555 (weekdays, 10am to 6pm)
The Seniors Helpline: 1800-555-5555 (weekdays, 9am to 5pm)